The Motto: I Deserve Nice Things

We need to discuss how the work that mothers do in pregnancy and child care is reduced to a “natural” inclination, a maternal “instinct”, a supposed nurturing predisposition. We need to discuss how these assertions reduce our challenges, efforts and triumphs and put them down to a supposed second nature inherent to womynhood. As such, when we do well, it’s because we are genetically wired, and ditto when we struggle or suffer as mothers, it’s seen as an inevitable struggle or sacrifice, and a virtuous one, at that. I really hate this.

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I hate this because it causes our work in the home, as womyn and mothers, to not be seen as ‘real work’ (if I had R100 for every time someone asked me what I do all day/why I don’t ‘work’…)

I hate the pressure it puts on womyn.  A pressure not to betray one’s “nature” by not being a supermom or even a mom, nje, to begin with. I hate how it robs mums of well deserved recognition and reward for their work and efforts.

Yes, motherhood is a path I have chosen voluntarily and deliberately, but does that mean I’m being shallow if I want recognition for my hard work? Nah, fam. I’ve given birth to a person, so, I deserve recognition, and I deserve nice things – jewels, stacks, premium pamper packages at exlusive spas, a new car, a new house, more stacks. Something. Preferably something expensive. A Push Present, to be precise.

I know there are many who believe Push Presents are indulgent and unnecessary because we are “supposed” to just pop babies and raise them like, that’s all we are here for. Are my children not reward enough, you ask? They are, but that’s besides the point.

Giving birth is hard work and I don’t see why I shouldn’t get a push present as a way for my partner to big me up for birthing our babies and not leaving them at Genesis Clinic because they’ve both got his big ol’ head which is the reason I pee a little in my pants every time I laugh, cough or sneeze.

Yes, of course the babies were going to come out, one way or another, and yes I chose to be a parent. So?! I still want nice things. And it’s ok to want nice things.

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We get presents for all types of occasions, whether personal or commercial – Mother’s Day, Valentines Day, Christmas, birthdays, weddings, farewells, anniversaries etc… But if I want to be given or to give myself a present for making & birthing a baby, then it’s an indictment on my character and worth as a mum? Please, tell me more…

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To me, a Push Present is a gift to give props for surviving pregnancy, the act of childbirth, as well as the judgement and scrutiny of every little change& parenting choice. It’s a token of appreciation for the endless hard work that lies ahead, that’s otherwise invisible and thankless. It’s encouragement and affirmation. Who doesn’t deserve that?

10 thoughts on “The Motto: I Deserve Nice Things

  1. mpumemngomezulu says:

    OMG. My husband and I had this conversation a few weeks ago(we have a 3 month old) I said I didn’t think he was grateful enough/he understood the magnitude of what I had done, that I actually think he should build a shrine and worship it in honour of my birthing 2 whole kids for him. He gave me what I thought was a “kanti ufuna ukwenzani/yini umsebenzi wakho” look before responding with how he also wakes up ebusuku ,does baths and nappy changes and and and. Long story short, thanks for validating my point😊. Also, I love your blog.

    Like

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