I’ve been pregnant-breastfeeding-pregnant-breastfeeding non-stop since March 2013. I haven’t had a break, I haven’t had my body to myself, I haven’t had a good night’s sleep. I’ve survived on sugar, placenta capsules, alliancepartner loving and the prayers of my family and kind strangers.
Tiny Oga is 6 months old now, and eating solids, that means I have a bit more space to breathe, so I am taking time to get to know myself. I dont what kind of clothes I like, because I’ve been in maternity wear since 2013. I don’t know how I like to wear my hair. I don’t know what it’s like to have a life outside The Mkhize-Hollywood Den.
My body has been through things, uwoah. It’s nothing like how I think I remember it, so I am working on building a new one. I recently started exercising, I’m cutting down on processed nyolz masquerading as food, I’m trying myself out with a 7 day juice thing. Wish me luck.
Alliancepartner and I haven’t gone on a date in ages. We at least try to remember to talk about going on dates, but we usually just end up laying on the bed thinking “ugh. Long ting”. Our spirits are willing, but the flesh is weary.
We are still very much in touch with each other, though. A little while ago, we did a Beltane Moon offering. Something for us, as a couple and as individuals. It was refreshing to do something that enriched and centred us, outside of our roles as Mama and Baba. We may not be breaking it down on the dance floor at Analogue Nights, but we can certainly make it shake in the spirit world. We still got it. Anyway, it takes more than date nights to keep a marriage solid, especially when you have kids.
Parenthood is consuming. It consumes identities, free time, marriages, and all the money. I know I’ve lost myself inside this wondrous, frightening, frustrating and deeply rewarding role.
I’ve been a home, a food source, an open door, a wing-woman. I’ve given and given of myself. Now it’s time to give to myself, and to keep giving. For my 31st birthday I’ll be giving myself the gift of Recovery. Recovering my Time, my Creativity, my Self and my Slay.